Brit Awards: live commentary

22:25: So, winners and losers? Arctic Monkeys, Take That and Foo Fighters scooped two awards each. Amy Winehouse appeared on stage twice without disgracing herself. Macca showed he's fighting fit despite spending all week in court. And losers? Leona Lewis was nominated four times without winning, and Mika only won one award, despite four nominations. Will the Osbournes be asked back to present? Somehow, I doubt it.

22:05: Wait! Get Back! Switch over to ITV2 (Macca: "where no one ever goes") for a bonus track from the Beatles legend. Whatever the City Boys paid for their dinner they're getting value for money now.

22:00: But wait, hold the ad break, scrap Sir Trevor, mute Big Ben's bong's. Sir Paul is back with a short and sweet version of Lady Madonna. "See how they run" (for the afterparty).

21:55: As if one power ballad isn't enough, Macca delivers an uptempo Hey Jude that gets Earls Court into audience participation mode, boys versus girls. The guy's certainly got tunes. Released forty years ago, in 1968, it's a memorable finish to a distinctly unmemorable night. The Sharon vs Vic spat seemed a rather desperate late attempt to inject controversy. Even four Osbourne's were no match for last year's host Russell Brand.

21:50: Sir Paul starts with a so-so Dance Tonight, before launching into an unforgettable rendition of Guns & Roses classic Live & Let Die. The man can still rock. Has Heather got anything to top that?

21:45: Ozzy gets his one chance to say anything and messes it up! He's introducing Sir Paul McCartney, winner of Outstanding Contribution to Music. Sharon regains control and introduces the "unstoppable" Kylie who will present. Kylie says a few sweet words and then Mr Wings flies on the stage.

21:40: Comedian Alan Carr is on stage apologising to the audience: "Sorry I'm a bit p*ssed... I put a straw in Amy's beehive.'' He presents the Best British Single award to Take That for Shine, introducing them by saying: "I kissed them all last year. Will they get past first base? It's Take That.'' Needless to say there's no tongues for Carr from the boys.

21:35: Finally some kerfuffle. Vic Reeves is making some kind of silent protest against the awards sponsors, failing to namecheck Mastercard while presenting Album of the Year. Sharon tells him to "p*ss off you b*stard. You're p*ssed. P*ss off you p*sshead". A bemused, and not too pissed looking Vic ignores her and manages to shout out the winners, Arctic Monkeys, before Mrs Ozzy manhandles him away from the podium. Unfazed, the Arctics thank the Brit school too. Despite schooling in Sheffield.

21:35: Amy's back on stage to give a word perfect rendition of her song Love Is A Losing Game. And she should know. She clearly mouths the words "I love you" during her performance. I guess this is directed at Blake rather than me. At the end of the song, she says to the audience: "Make some noise for my husband, my Blake". The crowd oblige. Do you think they can hear in Pentonville?

21:30: Now here's Gandalf himself, Sir Ian McKellen, waving his magic wand to present Best British Group. And to no great surprise the winners are the fabulous Arctic Monkeys. And, once they eventually make it to the stage, to no great surprise the brilliantly attired Northerners are ever so slightly sozzled. Alex Turner eventually manages a burst of his hunting horn before the Osbourne enforcers usher them off.

21:20: Mark Ronson presents selected All Stars Adele, Daniel Merriweather and Amy Winehouse: and yes, Amy is showing. Adele's up first, delivering a rather downbeat God Put A Smile On Your Face. Just an appetiser. Then it's Daniel. Yes mate, we have heard this one before. If only we could Stop You.

Finally, Miss Winehouse makes her long awaited appearance. Dressed in tartan corset, matching red bow, skimpy leopard print skirt and monster beehive, Britain's Most Controversial Diva delivers a belting Valerie that finally gets the corporate guests interested: Earls Court goes crazy. And, thankfully, Amy doesn't.

21:10: How seriously does the rest of the world take the Brits? None of the Best International Group nominees are here. Draw your own conclusions. And the (Can't Be Bothered To Be Here) winners are... The Foo Fighters. Whoever they are. Straight on to Best British Female, won by last year's "new Lily Allen", Kate Nash. She namechecks the Brit school which as well as producing Adele, Amy and Leona, also seems to be responsible for most of the screaming audience in the pit by the sounds of things.

21:05: So we're an hour into the show and there's not one bit of controversy, beyond Mark Ronson's name checking of Old Dirty Bastard (a rap star) and Sharon's plugging of Leona Lewis (a pop star, apparently). It's all rather bland. Where's the Chumbawamba moment coming from? Where's Jarvis when you need him. What happened to rock and roll at the Brits? For heavens sake, Andrew Lloyd Webber is on stage making "jokes" about Best International Groupie.

20:55: Someone call a Doctor. Oh, here's here. Surely this is a fix? David Tennant is reunited with his Doctor Who Christmas co-star Kylie Minogue to present her with Best International Female. Hasn't Kylie been living in the UK ever since she left Ramsey Street for "Brisbane". The Aussie star thanks the Brits Academy, her label, her fans etc.

20:45: Mark Ronson deservedly wins Best British Male. He claims he "didn't think my chances were great, but I did scribble some notes" before going on to thank just about everyone he's ever met. As the remixer-par-excellence says, he's lived in New York since he was eight, but hell, he's as British as, say Lennox Lewis and Greg Rusedski, and has the transatlantic accent to prove it. Well done fella.

20:40: Live (by pre-recorded video link) Kanye West picks up Best International Male, humbly claiming there's someone more deserving: "but I can't think who they are". Course you can't Kanye. Sharon gets "all hot and bothered" mixing up the order of awards. Nope Sharon, there isn't a prize for Best International British Male. If there was, I'd be voting for Mika, I can tell you.

20:35: Yay, it's Kylie Time. Accompanied by what appears to be the remmanents of the Daft Punk Fan Club, and clad in green sequins, Kylie belts out Wow. Wow indeed. Wow, Wow, Wow. Erm, that's about the only part of the lyric I can hear. From where I'm sitting the sound is appalling, but then she's lip synching so we can't really blame the Queen of (Australian) Pop.

20:29: Sharon introduces "a man who needs a good licking" Jonathan Rhys Meyers to present British Breakthrough Act. Jonnie sensibly keeps his distance. And the winner is... Oh God, No. It's Mika. Aaaaaargh! Apparently his Mum does his costumes. You couldn't tell. Mika accepts the award with a scream, before thanking "everyone who's worked like dogs to get us here". Bless him, he's delighted. Lebanese-born Mika's music has been compared to Marmite - people either love it or hate it. No prizes for guessing which camp I'm in. Still, he seems a nice chappie.

20:25: Just when you thought Granny's favourite Will Young couldn't get any posher, he reaches new heights introducing the gorgeous Adele, winner of Critic's Award. Adele seems a bit tipsy, thanking "her manager, my beautiful Mum, Jamie T, Jack Penate, everyone who bought my album." The usual suspects then.

20:20: Awesome laser show for the Rihanna/Klaxons Umbrella collaboration. But was that really the Klaxons up there or just a load of cardboard cutouts? They didn't seem to do anything. Guess all that Nu Rave must have mashed their coordination. Or maybe they don't seem themselves as backing singers.

20:15: First award winner is Tate That for Best Live Act, what a surprise yah? The national treasures look suitably pleased. Why does Gary still continue to hog the mike? Eventually Jason grabs it off him to say: "we're so honoured to receive this award. I've got an arthritic knee, and a slipped disk. We're bruised and battered and dead chuffed. Thanks to all the viewers. It's slightly cliched to say it, but our audiences are electric." Anyone who braved torrential thunder and lightening at the City of Manchester stadium last year during their gig will know what he's talking about. Finally, Howard thanks "the truck drivers who lug all our stuff around". He's a nice lad ain't he? Very good manners.

20:10: The entire Osbourne Family take the stage, promising "awesome collaborations" and Even-More Over-The-Topness. Is that possible? "Let's get on with it," says Sharon, as she welcomes "future son-in-law" Chris Moyles. Yes please.

20:05: And we're off. A rousing but all too brief Standing In the Way of Control (with Beth Ditto cameo) briefly brightens up Mika's overly familiar Freddy Mercury posturing. Can't we have more Beth please? Still the competition winners in the pen at the front seem to be enjoying themselves.

19:55: Five minutes to go, and a surprise Red Carpet appearance from the Arctic Monkeys who have never previously attended the Brits. The cheeky Sheffield rockers arrive in tweed plus fours, waistcoats, caps and carrying hunting horns as if out for a weekend of country pursuits. They look like they're going shooting. Watch out Mika.

19:45: Ashley Who? Girls Aloud star Cheryl Cole arrived flanked by her band-mates and showing off her tanned physique in a super-short, off-one-shoulder canary yellow dress. The singer has not been wearing her wedding ring since discovering her footballer husband Ashley's alleged infidelities and tonight it remained off while she had her hand clasped in that of her PR's.

19:30: Good evening music fans. Tonight we're at London's Earls Court for this year's Brit Awards. 8,000 industry guests are currently tucking into their free nosh and booze before Ozzy and Sharon Osborne get things rolling at 8pm. Mika is up first. And there were you thinking he was a passing 2007 fad? If only.

Despite a year in which sales of recorded music have continued to freefall, guests are all smiles. Kylie Minogue got the biggest cheer on the carpet; the 39-year-old singer arrived in a stunning, shiny, sexy black Vicky dress, a cute new blond bob, with a glittering diamond necklace and earring combo.

Shiny Happy People is the order of the evening, with Denise Van Outen clad in shiny gold and birthday gal Rhianna resplendent in shiny silver. KT Tunstall and opera singer Katherine Jenkins also sparkled in stylish sequins.

Most Outrageous Dress award goes to Beth Ditto, who crammed her beautifully voluptous frame into a firey orange ballerina-style tutu. Beth performs with Mika at the top of the show. Lets hope she stomps on him.

The 8,000 industry guests at the Earls Court show, hosted by Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne, will attempt to celebrate a year in which sales of recorded music plummeted.

Comments

[Amaxi]

Sir Paul starts with a so-so Dance Tonight, before launching into an unforgettable rendition of Guns & Roses classic Live & Let Die...Are you kidding me?

[Biche]

I did my own blog of the Brit Awards from the uninspiring comforts of my own home with only my Flatmate and a Pad Thai for company, and frankly I think I did a better job!

http://www.speechesofbiches.blogspot.com/

it's there, if you care..

[CAMC]

keep up the good work Mr C!!!