DD 4 ME

The kiss-me-quick atmosphere of Blackpool, where entire shops sell nothing but rock, bumper stickers and novelty mobile phone covers, appears to have got to the normally grim-faced David Davis. Today his campaign team for the Tory leadership are handing out skimpy DD FOR ME T-shirts, in the hopes of seeing them stretched across the chests of attractive conference delegates.

Last night DD could be seen working the room at the Agents' black tie dinner in the Imperial Hotel, occasionally glaring across at his indolent rival Ken Clarke as he moved among the tables. Afterwards, DD stayed up late pressing the flesh in the Imperial's famous No 10 bar, where the photos of every British Prime Minister are hung on the walls. It did not take a mind-reader to interpret the frequent glances he threw at them: clearly, he was thinking "that ought to be me".