.
So you thought that Mamma Mia! was the feelgood hit of the summer? Wrong! Matt is back and he's still dancing.
As this New York Times article explains, Matt is Matt Harding, a 31-year-old drop-out from Connecticut with a talent for dancing badly in public, a talent that he's used to become perhaps the internet's best-travelled video star. It's the kind of simple formula that would probably make you sick with jealousy if you were, like, a 31-year-old dropout from Connecticut trying to think of a way to turn a few bucks or get a free holiday somewhere.
Matt's last Dancing video, back in 2006, has attracted more than 10 million viewers, many through his wherethehellismatt website. According to the aficionados, the latest one, which has been watched about five million times, is even better. The bit at the end with Gordon Brown in Downing Street is unmissable.
.
So where do you stand on the Coldplay plagiarism debate? What do you mean what debate? Where have you been?
The story so far: as Coldplay releases their latest album, going straight in at No 1 pretty much everywhere, a Brooklyn band name of Creaky Boards accuses them of ripping off the title track, Viva la Vida.
It's the kind of unprovable accusation that big bands must have to put up with all the time. The difference this time was that it was made in a rather brilliant video posted on YouTube - brilliant both because of the song the Creakys say was plagiarised (called, curiously enough, The Songs I Didn't Write) and because of the singer's moustache.
Coldplay denied the accusations. A spokesman insisted that the Coldplay track had been written and demoed seven months before the concert at which, Creaky Boards say, the Coldplay frontman Chris Martin would have heard the song. The spokesman also denies that Martin was even at the concert in question.
But Martin hasn't done himself any favours with this promotional interview for the album in which he admits that Coldplay are "the world's worst—but most enthusiastic—plagiarists as a band".
Hannah Strange, the Times Online news reporter, is spending a week in Sierra Leone, a country still racked by the aftermath of a brutal civil war in which tens of thousands were killed and a third of its total population displaced. Here is the third of her daily diary entries:
“This community says no to violence against women.” “Fighting for an end to gender discrimination and poverty.” These are the signs that dot every village, few of them more than a collection of tumbledown huts, between Freetown and Kailahun, the former headquarters of the Revolutionary United Front just a few miles from the Liberian border.
In the past four days I have travelled from Sierra Leone’s coastal capital to Makeni, the largest settlement in the north, on down through Kenema, the heart of the country’s diamond trade, to Kailahun in the eastern rainforest. One of the things that has struck me most is the reach of the country’s burgeoning civil society since the end of the civil war.
In some of the most isolated jungle settlements, cut off from the capital by hundreds of miles of primordial rainforest, we come across the breezeblock offices of the UNHCR, Plan International, even Britain’s Department for International Development. These bolster a network of local action groups working on issues from human rights and conflict prevention to education and HIV. In some villages, signs declaring the community’s commitment to child protection or equal rights outnumber the dwellings themselves. Their residents may have little more than buckets for carrying water and machetes for chopping firewood and jungle fruits yet, determined to prevent their country from sliding back into the brutalities of the civil war, frequently seem to possess an awareness of such issues surpassing that of many in the West.
It is early days, however. Poverty is endemic, health and education facilities virtually non-existent beyond that provided by relief organisations and some, in this deeply traditional society, remain shackled to the beliefs and taboos that have seen victims of rebel sexual slavery shunned by their families and neighbours. Corruption is rife, even at the higher echelons of government, and the rivalrous and exploitative trade in diamonds, a potent force in the decade-long conflict, threatens to spill over into violence once again.
But if determination is a measure of future success, there is hope for Sierra Leone. A lush, fertile country with more than enough mineral wealth to provide for its citizens if it can be properly managed, a populace dedicated to a better future for its children and a civil society resolved to embed peace and progress in its furthest reaches, it could yet transform itself into one of West Africa’s brightest jewels.
Hannah Strange, the Times Online news reporter, is spending a week in Sierra Leone, a country still racked by the aftermath of a brutal civil war in which tens of thousands were killed and a third of its total population displaced. Here is the second of her daily diary entries:
 Zainab, 19, who was gang-raped repeatedly at the age of 12 during the civil war, eventually falling pregnant (Nick Ray/The Times)
The wheels of justice grind slowly in Sierra Leone.
Six years after the country's brutal civil war came to an end, only three men have been convicted by the Special Court, an international tribunal based in Freetown. Its first judgment, handed down in June 2007, found three leaders of the Armed Forces Revolutionary Council (AFRC) – a group within the Sierra Leonean military which mounted a successful coup in 1997 - guilty of rape and outrages of personal dignity, including sexual slavery.
Yet no one in the Revolutionary United Front (RUF), which perpetrated arguably the most sadistic excesses of the civil war, has ever been brought to justice. Some, Liberians who joined the war under the direction of Charles Taylor, are believed to have fled back across the border and enlisted in other militia groups elsewhere in the region, while many hardcore RUF are thought to have followed them. But those still in Sierra Leone wander freely through mainstream society, with anecdotal tales of the mutilated encountering their torturers across the local market stall easy to come by.
Despite the suffering inflicted on the civilian population by the RUF and other militia, Sierra Leoneans were at first reluctant to embrace the tribunal. An outreach worker for the Special Court tells me that the wounds were simply too raw - the majority of the populace preferring to forget, rather than excavate, the brutalities of the decade-long war.
Then, there is the question of who to blame. As in all such conflicts, where does the responsibility end? How can the thousands of militia who raped, tortured, murdered and looted all be held accountable for their actions? Many of the crimes were committed by boys as young as 14, high on a cocktail of cocaine, jamba (marijuana) and alcohol, and convinced that the AK-47 thrust in their hands was their only family.
 A young woman who was raped and abused in the Sierra Leone civil war learns to sew in a rehabiliation centre (Nick Ray/The Times)
Truth and reconciliation appears to be the answer, at least the closest it is possible to come to one. Sierra Leoneans are being urged to talk – in community buildings, on the radio, in the schools, to their neighbours – about the suffering they endured or inflicted, however harrowing and shameful it may be. It is difficult to travel more than a few metres in any populated area without encountering a banner urging a discussion of human rights, of child protection or attitudes to females. The ferry from Lunghi airport to Freetown bears numerous posters declaring that this organisation or that “says no to child trafficking”. At a centre run by the charity Help a Needy Child International in Makeni, one of the main battlegrounds of the civil war, girls who were forced into sexual slavery or combat by the rebels are encouraged to discuss their experiences, both with their communities and on the airwaves.
But, there is still much shame attached to such confessions. In a country where rape complaints were traditionally resolved by forcing the rapist to marry his victim, there remains a great deal of stigma attached to sex out of wedlock – particularly at a young age or with a rebel. Many girls at the centre tell of being rejected by their families, and ostracised by their communities, on returning from war carrying the unborn children of their rebel captors. Others speak of once friendly neighbours running away in fear, convinced that the girls entered the rebel life willingly.
Gradually, NGOs are managing to change the climate, sending outreach workers into communities to explain why such girls were not to blame for their plight. While many of the victims still find it difficult to talk about their ordeals, many too are now standing up in defiance of such shame. Zainab, a 19-year-old who was gang-raped repeatedly at the age of 12, eventually falling pregnant, tells me she wants to tell her story. “People must know about our cases,” she insists, when I ask whether she is comfortable to speak of her ordeal on camera. “There are many other girls who have not received the help we have, who are still outcasts in their villages, who sleep on the streets. They need help too.”
Times Online news reporter Hannah Strange is spending a week in Sierra Leone, an African country still racked by the aftermath of a brutal civil war in which tens of thousands were killed and a third of its total population displaced. Here is the first of her daily diary entries:
Six years on, the scars of the civil war that brought Sierra Leone to its knees have faded little. Freetown, once known as the Athens of West Africa, remains little more than a giant slum, a mass of makeshift shacks and crumbling concrete blocks sprawling over the hills that rise steeply from the shoreline.
The poverty is overwhelming: from the overcrowded, rusting boat that is now the only way of travelling from the international airport at Lungi to the capital since the alternative helicopter plummeted into the Atlantic along with the Togolese sports minister several months ago, to the sleeping bodies that line the city streets as bare market stalls sell nothing by candlelight.
The capital is a city – if it can truly be classified as that – of destitution, Non-Governmental Organisations (NGOs) and religion, the latter as visceral as the humid, tropical heat. The streets are an alphabetic mish-mash of international aid agencies - the WHO, the UN, CARE, Christian Aid – almost every other vehicle is a white jeep. The few other roadworthy cars belong to government ministers.
The cars also belong to the city’s other powerful grouping, the entrepreneurial preachers who feed on the city’s despair. For, saving souls is big business in Sierra Leone. A country with a majority Muslim population of 55 per cent, Christianity has been growing since before the civil war, between 1991 and 2002, but in its wake has recruited thousands of new converts, swelling to a point where any visitor would assume it was the dominant religion.
Freetown and much of the countryside is dotted with half-finished churches as missions from the United States descend en masse to bring relief – and faith – to the impoverished. On the boat from Lunghi to Freetown, I meet a group from the Jefferson Baptist Church in Oregon who are on their way to build their eighteenth church in the country; when they finish they plan to build more. The attached schools are attracting thousands of families drawn to the free education – the Imam of western Liberia apparently sends his children to one just inside the border.
One of the Oregon group tells me how they gave “the Jesus video” to a local who converted at once – and shortly after screened it at a mass service, saving 3,000 souls in the process. These vast services, modelled on the televangelist megachurches of the US Bible belt, are a phenomenon that is sweeping the country. Freetown is awash with banners advertising the next event – there are several, some festivals lasting several days, planned for the next week in the capital alone. Held in the city’s football stadium or in fields surrounding the city, they attract crowds of thousands – but they are not popular with everyone.
Some residents tell me that they are held by evangelical pastors who have broken away from their original organisations to form their own splinter groups, capitalising on the market for salvation amongst the traumatised and impoverished populace. They are in it purely for the profit, I am told, charging their congregations hefty fees to attend and requiring generous donations to “the bank of Jesus Christ” in exchange for pseudo-miracles and the promise of forgiveness.
The rise of Christianity is evident in the banners that adorn almost every vehicle, proclaiming “Thanks to God” (A.D. Tours), “God bless the owner”, or in one rather peculiar case “The more you hate, the more God bless.”
Luckily, there are few frictions between the two major faiths, I am told. For most, religion is not a matter of competition, but of finding a path to a better life, and in this the two groups are united. “God loves Islam too,” the banners declare.
Little more than a day and a half since the start of our poll, the Tories are storming into a huge lead.
With more than 2,500 votes cast by Times readers on who you'd vote for on Thursday's local and London mayoral elections, David Cameron's party has achieved close to 70 per cent of the total vote, with Labour, the Liberal Democrats and other parties languishing around the 10 per cent mark.
We don't, of course, claim our results are scientific, that floppy-haired Boris Johnson has by any means got it in the bag, or that Ken Livingstone's necessarily toast.
But we do say our poll's much more fun than the real thing, because you can have your say wherever in the world you live, from Georgia to Oman. And so, using some rather funky technology provided by our polling company, here are some interesting geographical observations on where the last 500 voters have come from, and who they support.
Gordon Brown's Labour have struggled, well, pretty much everywhere. But he has gained a handful of votes in the left-leaning liberal US east coast states of Pennsylvania and New York, as well as in Europe - Ireland, France and Finland, to be precise - New South Wales in Australia, and Tel Aviv, Israel.
The Tories have votes from pretty much all over the world, including much of Europe and as far afield as Jordan, the Phillipines, Ghana and South Africa. The Lib Dems do best in Europe where - one would imagine - a larger number of people have heard of them. But they also picked up a vote in the bohemian US city of New Orleans.
Vibrant political debate has also been raging in the comment section beneath our poll. Grievances with the government over the smoking ban feature in several comments below, along with the economy, the European Union, immigration, and the prospect of voting fraud because of the postal vote system.
But it isn't all doom and gloom for Gordon Brown. Some of you say that voting Tory would be to vote to go back to the days of mass-unemployment and economic instability in the 1980s and '90s. One of you says Mr Brown is more honest than David Cameron, who is painted as an opportunist. And you also point out that Mr Cameron hasn't exactly come up with many decent policy initiatives of his own. Or, as one of you says, the Tory leader has established himself as a "polished, name-calling yob" but little else.
So join the debate below, and have your say by voting in our poll while you're at it.
And while you're here, why not take a glimpse at our map of the world showing where the last 500 voters have come from by clicking here
 Interesting comments from the Ministry of Defence, which has sprung to the defence of Prince William for using a £10 million Chinook helicopter to go to a stag party on the Isle of Wight for his cousin, Peter Phillips.
The Prince borrowed the aircraft last Friday only a few hours after receiving his "wings" from his father, the Prince of Wales, at RAF Cranwell in Lincolnshire, pausing only to pick up his brother, Harry, in London on the way.
An MoD spokesman said: “The Prince’s training was designed to give him an insight into the many roles of the Royal Air Force. Having spent a week under instruction with a Chinook helicopter squadron, Prince William flew a legitimate training sortie which tested his new skills to the limit."
He went on: “Flying at low level Prince William piloted the heavy support RAF Chinook helicopter through the busy London flying lanes to a helicopter landing site in Central London before departing the lanes to the South West, making a water crossing and an approach to a civilian airfield routinely used by Chinook squadrons.”
William was accompanied by an unidentified instructor, who opined, according to the MoD: “Prince William showed natural piloting skills and an ability to pick things up quickly."
Pick things up? What, like Harry?
Anyway, it reminded us of some other taxpayer-funded jaunts, such as:
John Prescott, Deputy Prime Minister, using his official Jaguar limousine for a 270-yard journey along the Bournemouth seafront during the 1999 Labour Party conference "for security and because my wife does not like her hair blown about".
Tony Blair taking the Queen's Flight on a family holiday to Sharm el Sheikh at Christmas, 2004 - for security reasons, however, rather than to stop Cherie Blair's hair getting messed up. The RAF crew spent eight nights at a luxury hotel waiting to take the Blairs back home.
More recently we had news of a £4,280 taxi bill run up by Mary Martin, wife of the Speaker of the Commons, on shopping trips. This time it was Lord Snape, the former Labour MP who proposed Michael Martin as Speaker in 2000, who rushed in to defend her honour. "Is the Speaker's wife supposed to queue for the No 12 bus when she does her shopping?" he demanded.
Luckily we've still got Gordon Brown, a renowned skinflint who has already ditched his predecessor's "Blair Force One" flight plans. Mr Brown arrived for his official visit to the United States in a rented 757, only to be upstaged by the Pope.
So what's Dick Cheney doing going fly fishing with a naked lady? Hasn't he got a superpower to help run?
This official White House photo of the US Vice-President enjoying an afternoon's fishing at Snake River, Idaho, set off a bit of a storm after an American blogger noticed what looked like a woman in her birthday suit reflected in his sunglasses.
"First he accidentally shoots a man. Now he is fishing with an inflatable sex doll?" wrote a poster on the sportsshooting.com photography website. "That explains his heart problems," replied another.
The White House was quick to damp down the rumours. "Clearly it's a hand holding a rod," said spokeswoman Meagan Mitchell.
So what do you reckon? (Clue: this full-sized version of the image might help.)
It's the White House, some time in January 2002.
Condoleezza Rice, National Security Advisor, and Stephen Hadley, her deputy, are telling George W. Bush that lumping Iran along with Iraq and North Korea in his forthcoming "Axis of Evil" speech may not be such a good idea (especially since - as Rice points out - Iran has a democratically elected president).
Bush rejects their arguments. President Khatami will understand, he says. If anything, it will help him and Iran's other reformers in their battle against "the hardliners, the deadenders, the Ayatollah Cockamamies".
"Iran stays in," he declares.
Karl Rove, deputy chief of staff, hands Bush a bottle of non-alcoholic beer. Then Dick Cheney, Vice-President, finally chimes in.
"Anyone can go to Baghdad," he says. "Real men go to Tehran."
Bush smirks and clinks his beer bottle with Cheney's coffee mug.
"Real men," he says.
Continue reading "'Real men go to Tehran': what Dick Cheney might have said" »
"I don't think anybody in this city is shocked about what consenting adults do. As long as you don't involve children, animals and vegetables, they leave you to get on, and live their own life in their own way."
Perhaps this is merely the wishful thinking of a man with five children by three different mothers. But will Livingstone's liaisons, revealed last night, affect your choice of London mayor?
It had been assumed that Boris Johnson, his main rival, was the most sexually active of the mayoral candidates. The dishevelled Old Etonian is known to have cheated on his wife more than once.
Brian Paddick, the Lib Dem long-shot, has also negotiated an eventful private life. His ex-wife says the couple shared a "wonderful marriage", but she is not thought to be best of friends with his current long-term boyfriend.
Does it matter what London's next mayor gets up to in his own bedroom?
Some people never grow out of their childhood fascinations. But at the age of 33, Mike Stimpson decided it was time to put his to a creative use, combining his long-standing love of Lego with a new-found passion for photography to recreate some of the world’s most iconic images.
Stimpson, a computer programmer from Birmingham, used the well-loved children’s toy to reconstruct scenes from famous photographs, such as Charles C. Ebbet's 1932 "Lunch atop a skyscraper" and Henri Cartier-Bresson's "Behind the Gare Saint-Lazare."
And although Lego men are endowed with a permanent grin, Stimpson nevertheless put them to work in some of the most horrific images of war from the 20th century.
Shooting them mostly in black and white, he spent hours painstakingly arranging the scenes and experimenting with lighting to ensure he got the right effect. His devotion to detail is apparent in all his recreations, from patterns on clothing to roadmarkings in backdrops.
Stimpson next hopes to recreate Diego Maradona’s notorious “Hand of God” goal against England and soldiers raising the US flag at Iwojima during World War Two.
His photographs are available for sale on redbubble.com.
View his recreations below and then click here to see if you guessed the correct originals.
"Vietcong Captain", Tet Offensive, Eddie Adams
"Tiananmen Square", 1989, Jeff Widener
Are you an April Fool? Read the selection of stories from around the world today and see if you can work out which are true and which are spoofs.
1. The BBC will today broadcast the first ever footage of flying penguins. Until this unique colony was discovered while filming on King George Island, 750 miles south of the Falklands, it was thought that the birds were entirely flightless.
2. A study published in the journal Australasian Psychiatry has lit a fire under the debate between Australia’s two biggest cities. A neuropsychiatrist at the Royal Melbourne Hospital carried out a series of brain scans on Sydneysiders and Melburnians.
The results revealed that the brains of Sydney’s inhabitants had suffered significant shrinkage, a well-known stress symptom. It is thought the rapidly rising house-prices in Sydney have contributed to their brains getting smaller.
3. Budget airline Flybe has blown Ryanair out of the water with its latest fare offer.
The company yesterday paid 172 actors £40 each to fly from Norwich to Dublin.
The low fare airline ensured they will now meet their annual passenger targets, but Greenpeace described it as “lunacy”.
4. Robert Mugabe banned the custom of April Fool pranks yesterday amid growing tensions in the country's elections.
He told a party rally: "This country has had enough of British and American customs, and if this is the last change I am able to make to Zimbabwe's proud history, I will rest assured that the struggle against British Imperialism is one step nearer to the finish.”
5.
The Chancellor of the Exchequer’s fiscal responsibility was questioned today when he was caught on camera using a scratch card.
The image showed him playing the Lotto game in his local corner shop. Building worker Hugh Grenoble, 30, told the Daily Mail: "I actually did a double take when I saw him.”
6.
Harriet Harman has reignited the row over safety on the streets of London by going out in South London in a stab vest less than three months after the Home Secretary admitted she was scared to go out at night.
The Deputy Labour leader was pictured fully kitted out for a stroll through her own constituency of Camberwell and Peckham despite the furore that followed Jacqui Smith conceding that she felt unsafe walking alone in London at night.
7. The Rock, a New Zealand radio station, had to cancel their April Fools joke this year when it transpired that 2,000 people were planning to turn up to their fake “secret” Foo Fighters gig.
After inquiries from fans, record labels and promoters the station got cold feet.
Brad King, Program director at The Rock, said: "This is what happens when fools plan April Fools jokes.”
 8. Cedric and his half-brother Clinky, a pair of Tasmanian Devils, are on the verge of a great cancer breakthrough.
Australian Professor Greg Woods from the University of Tasmania says that the tough genetic make-up of the steely creatures could end the scourge of cancer.
Scientists are trying to work out why Cedric is impervious to cancer despite malignant cells being pumped into him.
9.
Google.com.au, the Australian branch of the global search giant, as unveiled a new feature that allows users to select “one day in advance” and search only for results published tomorrow.
The Google Day function uses Machine Automated Temporal Extrapolation – it’s known as gDay (MATE) for short.
But not everyone was impressed, Sally from Western Australia said: “This is old news. I read about this announcement yesterday on Google.”
10. Gordon Ramsay has banned swearing in his restaurants. He will fine any member of staff caught using the “F” or “C” words.
The move came 10 days after an Australian parliamentary motion was tabled calling for a review of the broadcasting code of conduct, following an episode of Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, in which the chef swore more than 80 times.
11. Japan has held its first ever pen spinning national championships. The winner was Ryuki Omura, 16.
Mitsuhiro Nakamata, a spokesman for the Pen Spinning Association Japan, said: "Pens are always around, so you can practice and enjoy pen-spinning anytime, anywhere."
12. Amy Winehouse will appear in the latest series of Doctor Who. The Back to Black singer will play The Rani, originally played by actress Kate O'Mara in the 1980s.
The character is an evil scientific genius who has enslaved entire planets in previous episodes of the sci-fi drama.
It will be Winehouse's first acting work since being expelled from the Sylvia Young Theatre School.
Click "Continue reading" for the answers
Continue reading "Fool or Fact" »
.
So farewell Arthur C Clarke, the pioneering and prolific writer and futurist who has died at his home in Colombo aged 90. He was the last of Sci Fi's Big Three after Isaac Asimov and Bob Heinlein.
The Times obituary is here.
In a video message to mark his "90th orbit" last year, Sir Arthur said that he had no regrets and no more ambitions. His three final wishes were left unfulfilled: for peace in his adopted homeland, for mankind to kick its oil habit and for ET to pick up the phone.
As a writer, he was most famous for 2001: A Space Odyssey, both the novel and the 1968 film. He continued writing until the end, finishing his final book only a few days ago.
As a thinker, Clarke was credited with transforming the world telecommuniciations through his proposal back in 1945 that man should use geosynchronous satellites, satellites orbiting above a single spot on earth, as relay stations. It was an idea before its time.
Myriad weblogs are posting tributes today. "His name will be remembered as long as ply the lanes of space," says the Bad Astronomy blog.
The BBC website has a fine obituary: "He wrote story-lines for the comic-book hero, Dan Dare, inspired Gene Roddenberry to create Star Trek and posited Clarke's Law: "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic." The Times obituarist recalls the three things of which Clarke was most proud: the anticipation of the satellite age, the 2001 book and film and the fact that he helped inspire Gene Roddenberry to create Star Trek.
Also worth a look are Clarke's own predictions for this century (until "history begins in 2100"), published by Reader's Digest in 2001. Among them: "2013 Prince Harry becomes the first member of the British royal family to fly in space."
And for a taste of his prose, a short story from 1949.
 Up to 100 Tibetan protesters are thought to have been killed as Chinese troops attempt to crush the biggest uprising against Beijing's rule in two decades, evoking fears of another Tiananmen Square as what began as a peaceful protest by monks spills over into violence.
Tibetan exile groups have written to the International Olympic Committee asking them to intervene with China, which is keen to use the Beijing Olympic Games in five months' time to enhance its international reputation. Some believe a boycott would embarrass the Chinese government into relaxing its grip on the territory and changing its stance on other issues such as the Burmese military junta and the crisis in Darfur, over which Steven Spielberg recently resigned as the Games' artistic director. Others, including the US and European governments, say such a move would only further isolate China and undermine international efforts to encourage human rights and democratic reforms.
Tell us what you think in our online poll, and come back soon to check for the final results.
Marion Cotillard took the best actress Oscar for her haunting portrayal of Edith Piaf in La Vie en Rose, the first time a French actress has won the award in almost half a century. Watch her acceptance speech below:
 Tilda Swinton beat Cate Blanchett to the best supporting actress award for her role in Michael Clayton, a film directed by George Clooney. Meanwhile Javier Bardem won best supporting actor for his portrayal of a hitman in the Coen Brothers' No Country for Old Men. Watch them accept their awards here.
 Finally, see all the glitz and glamour of the red carpet in this video.
9.05pm. Coen brothers clean up.
No Country For Old Men wins both Best Picture and Best Director for the Coen brothers. It's been a huge night for the movie, which also took Best Adapted Screenplay and Best Supporting Actor. "This is an unbelievable honour and a complete surprise," says Scott Rudin, the film's producer. After taking the gong for Best Director, Joel Coen said: 'Ethan and I have been making stories with movie cameras since we were kids. What we do now doesn't feel that much different. We're really thrilled to have received it, and we've very thankful to all of you out there for letting us play in our corner of the sandbox."
So that concludes the Oscars coverage for this evening. The Academy should be pleased with itself: given the lack of writers during the preparation, the ceremony didn't drag as much as I expected it to, and Stewart turned out to be the perfect host in this election year. Of course, it also didn't harm that there were some truly excellent films up for the awards this year...
8.35pm. There Will Be An Oscar
Daniel Day-Lewis takes the Best Actor for his role as the misanthropic oilman Daniel Plainview in There Will Be Blood. This is win #6 for Britain (by my dubious mathematics). The method actor - his co-stars apparently have to call him by his character's name on set - makes a crytpic speech, thanking the Academy for "whacking me with the handsomest bludgeon in town" and saying that "it seems to me that this sprang like a golden sapling out of the mad, beautiful head of [the Blood director] Paul Thomas Anderson". Handsomest bludgeon? Golden sapling? The man is a lunatic, but a fine actor nevertheless. Day-Lewis concluded: "I've been thinking a lot about father and sons in the course of this, and I'd like to accept this in the memory of my grandfather, Michael Balcon, and my father, Cecil Day-Lewis, and my three fine boys."
8.30pm. Ex-stripper wins Oscar
A fully deserved Best Original Screenplay Oscar for the ex-stripper Diablo Cody, who wrote Juno. She deserves the gong simply for having the name 'Diablo', in my opinion. She cuts a slightly odd figure for a writer, what with her leopard-print dress, bright red lipstick, jet black hair, and upper arm tattoo. "What's happening?" she asks, as she takes the stage. "This is for the writers. I want to thank our incredible cast including the superhuman Ellen Page. And I want to thank my family for loving me exactly the way I am."
By this, I presume she means naked and swinging from a pole.
8.20pm. The Oscars get political
Michael Moore loses out on the Oscar for his US healthcare documentary Sicko. Instead the Best Documentary Feature award goes to Alex Gibney and Eva Orner for Taxi to the Dark Side, which chronicles the death in US custody of an Afghan taxi driver called Dilawar. "Let's hope we can turn this country around, move away from the dark side, and get back to the light," says Gibney, in the first politically charged speech of the night. Incidentally, Gibney's film has been accused of 'demoralising' US troops.
Meanwhile, the Oscar for Best Documentary Short Subject was introduced by Tom Hanks and some US troops on video-link from Baghdad. The winner was announced as Freeheld, which chronicles the struggle of dying lesbian policewoman to leave her pension benefits to her partner. Cynthia Wade and Vanessa Roth collected the gong, with Wade completely losing it at the microphone. It was revealed that the late policewoman's partner, Stacie, a car mechanic, was in the audience.
8.05pm. Blood or Old Men? The tension mounts.
Finally, There Will Be Blood wins something. Robert Elswit takes the Oscar for Cinematography. Will the film be able to beat No Country for Old Men for Best Picture? We'll find out pretty soon... And now the People Who Died This Year segment is on, and it ends with Heath Ledger. Who would have ever thought? A sad moment.
Meanwhile, Dario Marianelli wins Best Original Score for Atonement.
7.45pm. Oscar for 98-year-old
The Not Dead Yet Oscar - otherwise known as the Honorary Oscar - goes to Robert Boyle, the 98-year-old production designer who worked on Hitchcock films as North by Northwest, The Birds, Shadow of a Doubt and Marnie. "This is the good part of getting old," he says. "I don't recommend the rest of it."
The Best Song is named as 'Falling Slowly' by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova, from the movie Once. The orchestra cuts off Irglova, and the producers invite her back on stage after the break, which seems unusually accommodating of them.
As the show drags a bit, Stewart interjects with some humour.
"Whoever owns the Boeing 707 parked on La Brea Avenue, your landing lights are on," he says. John Travolta gets up from the audience (he owns a 707), and rushes for the door. As he does so, Stewart quips: "Don't worry, it's a hybrid".
7.20pm. Cotillard wins Best Actress
The French are giving the Brits a run for their money tonight. Best Actress has just gone to Marion Cotillard for La Vie En Rose. "Thank you so, so much," she said, in the first tearful-actress speech of the night. "Thank you life, thank you love. It is true that there are angels in this city." Hard not to feel disappointed for Ellen Page, who lost out for her great performance in Juno. Cotillard also kept the Oscar from going to Cate Blanchett, for Elizabeth, and of course Julie Christie, for her performance in Away From Her.
In case you're wondering, Sound Editing went to Karen Baker Landers and Per Hallberg for the Bourne Ultimatum. Sound mixing also went to the Bourne Ultimatum, which means that poor old Kevin O'Connell, who was a contender for Transformers, has now had a record 20 nominations without a win.
6.50pm. Coen brothers win screenplay Oscar
In a sign that perhaps No Country for Old Men will emerge as the big winner tonight, the Coen brothers take the Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay. "Our secret is that we're selective with our material," says Joel Coen. "We've only ever adapted Homer and Cormac McCarthy." Ethan Coen has nothing to say but "thank you". A refreshing change.
Another song now from Disney's Enchanted. What did we do to deserve this?
6.40pm. Tilda Swinton in Win #5 for Britain
The scary-looking Tilda Swinton wins the second big Oscar of the night - Best Supporting Actress - for her role as an evil fertiliser executive in Michael Clayton. "Oh no," she says, strangely, as she takes the stage. "Happy birthday, man," she goes on, looking at her Oscar, who turns 80 tonight. "I have an American agent who is the spitting image of this, really truly, the same shape head, and, it has to be said, the buttocks. And I'm giving this to him, because there's no way I would be in America, at all, if it wasn't for him. So Brian Swardstrom, I'm giving this to you."
I'm afraid to report that Swinton's dress really does look like a bin bag. Still, another win for Britain, can't complain.
6.35pm. Win #4 for Britain
Owen Wilson - looking a bit unwell - gives the Best Short Film gong to the French film-maker Philippe Pollet-Villard for Les Mozart Des Pickpockets. Pollet-Villard doesn't speak English, which is no bad thing. As Javiar Bardem just proved, the speeches sound a lot better when they're in a foreign language. At last, Stewart makes a joke about all the tedious video montages they keep playing. "This is what the entire writerless Oscars would have looked like," he says.
Best Animated Short Film, meanwhile, goes to Suzie Templeton and Hugh Welchman for Peter and the Wolf. And guess what? They're both British! This is a big night already for Britain.
6.20pm. Javier Bardem wins Best Supporting Oscar
There is justice at the Academy Awards. Javier Bardem wins Best Supporting Oscar for his absolutely terrifying performance in No Country for Old Men. When the award is announced, the Spanish actor kisses his date - his mother - and makes his way to the stage. "This is pretty amazing. Thanks to [the Coen brothers] for putting one of the most horrible haircuts in history on my head." Then he says something to his mother in Spanish, and she crys.
A perfect Oscars moment.
6.10pm. Win #3 for Britain
Best Visual Effects goes to Michael Fink, Bill Westenhofer, Ben Morris and Trevor Wood, for The Golden Compass. Ben Morris is British. I have a feeling that one of the other team members is British, but I can't be sure, and IMDB.com isn't providing the answer.
Best Art Direction goes to Dante Ferretti and Francesca Lo Schiavo for Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street.
6.05pm. Win #2 for Britain
Best Makeup goes to Didier Lavergne and Jan Archibald (a Brit) for La Vie En Rose, about the French singer Edith Piaf. "I am really 'appy and prod [sic] to be 'ere," says Didier. The orchestra cuts-off Jan in mid-thank-you.
Amy Adams now sings 'Happy Little Working Song' from the Disney movie Enchanted. It's dreadful. Stewart, at least, is on great form tonight. "If you ever wonder what we do during the breaks, we just sit around making catty remarks about the outfits you're wearing at home," he says, after the break. "It works both ways, people."
5.55pm. Ratatouille takes Best Animated Feature
The Cloonster makes an appearance. God, the man knows how to dress. He introduces a film clip celebrating 80 years of Oscars. Again, hard to avoid the feeling that this was put together when they thought they wouldn't have any writers on the show. Anne Hathaway and Steve Carell present the Oscar for Best Animated Feature Film. Brad Bird wins for Ratatouille. He thanks an unhelpful high school guidance counselor for giving him the 'perfect training for the movie business'.
5.45pm. Win #1 for Britain
The first Oscar of the night goes to a Brit. The category is costume design and the winner is Alexandra Byrne, for Elizabeth. Shame the film didn't live up to the frocks.
5.30pm. Stewart opens with Obama/Hilter joke.
Jon Stewart's opening monologue is very funny. "These past three and a half months have been very tough," he begins. "The town has been torn apart by a writer's strike. The fight is over, so tonight... welcome to the make-up sex." He goes on to mock Vanity Fair for cancelling its annual Oscars for the sake of the then still-striking writers. "Maybe next year you can invite some," he said.
Other great lines: "Before we spend the next four to five hours giving each other golden statues, let's take a moment to congratulate ourselves." And: "Away From Her is about a woman who forgets about her husband. Hilary Clinton called it 'the feelgood movie of the year'." And: "Normally when you see a black man or a woman president, an asteroid is about to hit the Statue of Liberty."
He jokes that the Democrats choosing a man called Barack Hussein Obama as their presidential nominee would be like them choosing someone called Gaydolf Titler in 1944.
Incidentally, the show opened this year with a long animated sequence. This probably has nothing at all to do with the fact that animators aren't unionised, and could therefore prepare it while the strike was still going on...
5.20pm. Page says Juno 'sincere'
Ellen Page, the 21-year-old Canadan actress up for Best Actress for her brilliant performance in Juno, is being interviewed. Asked why Juno has been such a hit, she replies: "It is unique and it's funny and mainly it's really sincere and honest, and it has a mixture of optimism and truth that we don't always see."
Less than five minutes to go before the show starts... this year's host, Jon Stewart, must be feeling the nerves.
Regis is in the auditorium now, and we get to see who gets the front-row seats: Jack Nicholson, Javier Bardem, and Johnny Depp are among them.
5.10pm. And the Oscar for Worst Hair goes to...
Now the always-charming Regis Philbin has taken over the coverage. He reveals that the red carpet is indeed longer than a football field. The French actress Marion Cotillard - from La Vie En Rose - makes a bid for the best dress of the evening. She looks like a mermaid. The award for Worst Hair, meanwhile, goes John Travolta. What did he do to it? It looks as though it was sprayed on, using a helmet as the template. Javier Bardem is arriving now. Mercifully, the insane mop-top he sported in No Country for Old Men is gone. We're big fans of Bardem here in The Times's viewing room. We hope he takes the Best Supporting Actor gong.
4.55pm. More arrivals...
Julie Christie is being interviewed on the red carpet now. She tells the man from ABC that Guantanamo Bay should be closed, and that this is a very important issue to the people of Britain. It's unclear what the man from ABC can do about this. He responds by saying that he is certain that she'll win Best Actress for Away From Her.
Michael Moore turns up. Has he lost weight? He looks slightly less blob-like than usual. "Hello international audience, please forgive us," he tells the camera, inexplicably.
4.40pm. The arrivals begin.
The red carpet outside the Kodak Theatre really is incredibly big. It's like a football pitch down there. Daniel Day Lewis and Colin Farrell have just arrived: they both look like pirates with long hair and ear-rings. Ah, and here's Tommy Lee Jones, the one man in America who looks older than John McCain. And now Tilder Swinton - co-star of Michael Clayton, and Britain's great hope for Best Supporting Actress - has been grabbed by the guy from ABC. "I'm usually doing something more useful than this," she tells him, looking slightly insane with a shock of red hair and a strangely reflective black dress. The people at ABC don't seem very impressed with this brush-off. "She wears fashion that maybe not everyone understands," interrupts the announcer, as she walks off.
4pm. Welcome to the Oscars
Good afternoon/morning, Oscars-followers. This is Chris Ayres, LA correspondent of The Times, and I am here to guide you through the evening. As I write this, helicopters are circling, the streets around Hollywood have all been blocked off, and you can't move for LAPD squad cars and police officers with bomb-sniffing dogs. Down on Hollywood Boulevard, a massive tent has been erected over the red carpet, to protect the celebrities' frocks from the very British weather. Still, we're all very excited here in The Times's viewing room. Which film will take the most gongs? Which actress will wear the worst dress? Which celebrity will make the longest speech? Stay tuned.
22:25: So, winners and losers? Arctic Monkeys, Take That and Foo Fighters scooped two awards each. Amy Winehouse appeared on stage twice without disgracing herself. Macca showed he's fighting fit despite spending all week in court. And losers? Leona Lewis was nominated four times without winning, and Mika only won one award, despite four nominations. Will the Osbournes be asked back to present? Somehow, I doubt it.
22:05: Wait! Get Back! Switch over to ITV2 (Macca: "where no one ever goes") for a bonus track from the Beatles legend. Whatever the City Boys paid for their dinner they're getting value for money now.
22:00: But wait, hold the ad break, scrap Sir Trevor, mute Big Ben's bong's. Sir Paul is back with a short and sweet version of Lady Madonna. "See how they run" (for the afterparty).
21:55: As if one power ballad isn't enough, Macca delivers an uptempo Hey Jude that gets Earls Court into audience participation mode, boys versus girls. The guy's certainly got tunes. Released forty years ago, in 1968, it's a memorable finish to a distinctly unmemorable night. The Sharon vs Vic spat seemed a rather desperate late attempt to inject controversy. Even four Osbourne's were no match for last year's host Russell Brand.
21:50: Sir Paul starts with a so-so Dance Tonight, before launching into an unforgettable rendition of Guns & Roses classic Live & Let Die. The man can still rock. Has Heather got anything to top that?
21:45: Ozzy gets his one chance to say anything and messes it up! He's introducing Sir Paul McCartney, winner of Outstanding Contribution to Music. Sharon regains control and introduces the "unstoppable" Kylie who will present. Kylie says a few sweet words and then Mr Wings flies on the stage.
21:40: Comedian Alan Carr is on stage apologising to the audience: "Sorry I'm a bit p*ssed... I put a straw in Amy's beehive.'' He presents the Best British Single award to Take That for Shine, introducing them by saying: "I kissed them all last year. Will they get past first base? It's Take That.'' Needless to say there's no tongues for Carr from the boys.
21:35: Finally some kerfuffle. Vic Reeves is making some kind of silent protest against the awards sponsors, failing to namecheck Mastercard while presenting Album of the Year. Sharon tells him to "p*ss off you b*stard. You're p*ssed. P*ss off you p*sshead". A bemused, and not too pissed looking Vic ignores her and manages to shout out the winners, Arctic Monkeys, before Mrs Ozzy manhandles him away from the podium. Unfazed, the Arctics thank the Brit school too. Despite schooling in Sheffield.
21:35: Amy's back on stage to give a word perfect rendition of her song Love Is A Losing Game. And she should know. She clearly mouths the words "I love you" during her performance. I guess this is directed at Blake rather than me. At the end of the song, she says to the audience: "Make some noise for my husband, my Blake". The crowd oblige. Do you think they can hear in Pentonville?
21:30: Now here's Gandalf himself, Sir Ian McKellen, waving his magic wand to present Best British Group. And to no great surprise the winners are the fabulous Arctic Monkeys. And, once they eventually make it to the stage, to no great surprise the brilliantly attired Northerners are ever so slightly sozzled. Alex Turner eventually manages a burst of his hunting horn before the Osbourne enforcers usher them off.
21:20: Mark Ronson presents selected All Stars Adele, Daniel Merriweather and Amy Winehouse: and yes, Amy is showing. Adele's up first, delivering a rather downbeat God Put A Smile On Your Face. Just an appetiser. Then it's Daniel. Yes mate, we have heard this one before. If only we could Stop You.
Finally, Miss Winehouse makes her long awaited appearance. Dressed in tartan corset, matching red bow, skimpy leopard print skirt and monster beehive, Britain's Most Controversial Diva delivers a belting Valerie that finally gets the corporate guests interested: Earls Court goes crazy. And, thankfully, Amy doesn't.
21:10: How seriously does the rest of the world take the Brits? None of the Best International Group nominees are here. Draw your own conclusions. And the (Can't Be Bothered To Be Here) winners are... The Foo Fighters. Whoever they are. Straight on to Best British Female, won by last year's "new Lily Allen", Kate Nash. She namechecks the Brit school which as well as producing Adele, Amy and Leona, also seems to be responsible for most of the screaming audience in the pit by the sounds of things.
21:05: So we're an hour into the show and there's not one bit of controversy, beyond Mark Ronson's name checking of Old Dirty Bastard (a rap star) and Sharon's plugging of Leona Lewis (a pop star, apparently). It's all rather bland. Where's the Chumbawamba moment coming from? Where's Jarvis when you need him. What happened to rock and roll at the Brits? For heavens sake, Andrew Lloyd Webber is on stage making "jokes" about Best International Groupie.
20:55: Someone call a Doctor. Oh, here's here. Surely this is a fix? David Tennant is reunited with his Doctor Who Christmas co-star Kylie Minogue to present her with Best International Female. Hasn't Kylie been living in the UK ever since she left Ramsey Street for "Brisbane". The Aussie star thanks the Brits Academy, her label, her fans etc.
20:45: Mark Ronson deservedly wins Best British Male. He claims he "didn't think my chances were great, but I did scribble some notes" before going on to thank just about everyone he's ever met. As the remixer-par-excellence says, he's lived in New York since he was eight, but hell, he's as British as, say Lennox Lewis and Greg Rusedski, and has the transatlantic accent to prove it. Well done fella.
20:40: Live (by pre-recorded video link) Kanye West picks up Best International Male, humbly claiming there's someone more deserving: "but I can't think who they are". Course you can't Kanye. Sharon gets "all hot and bothered" mixing up the order of awards. Nope Sharon, there isn't a prize for Best International British Male. If there was, I'd be voting for Mika, I can tell you.
20:35: Yay, it's Kylie Time. Accompanied by what appears to be the remmanents of the Daft Punk Fan Club, and clad in green sequins, Kylie belts out Wow. Wow indeed. Wow, Wow, Wow. Erm, that's about the only part of the lyric I can hear. From where I'm sitting the sound is appalling, but then she's lip synching so we can't really blame the Queen of (Australian) Pop.
20:29: Sharon introduces "a man who needs a good licking" Jonathan Rhys Meyers to present British Breakthrough Act. Jonnie sensibly keeps his distance. And the winner is... Oh God, No. It's Mika. Aaaaaargh! Apparently his Mum does his costumes. You couldn't tell. Mika accepts the award with a scream, before thanking "everyone who's worked like dogs to get us here". Bless him, he's delighted. Lebanese-born Mika's music has been compared to Marmite - people either love it or hate it. No prizes for guessing which camp I'm in. Still, he seems a nice chappie.
20:25: Just when you thought Granny's favourite Will Young couldn't get any posher, he reaches new heights introducing the gorgeous Adele, winner of Critic's Award. Adele seems a bit tipsy, thanking "her manager, my beautiful Mum, Jamie T, Jack Penate, everyone who bought my album." The usual suspects then.
20:20: Awesome laser show for the Rihanna/Klaxons Umbrella collaboration. But was that really the Klaxons up there or just a load of cardboard cutouts? They didn't seem to do anything. Guess all that Nu Rave must have mashed their coordination. Or maybe they don't seem themselves as backing singers.
20:15: First award winner is Tate That for Best Live Act, what a surprise yah? The national treasures look suitably pleased. Why does Gary still continue to hog the mike? Eventually Jason grabs it off him to say: "we're so honoured to receive this award. I've got an arthritic knee, and a slipped disk. We're bruised and battered and dead chuffed. Thanks to all the viewers. It's slightly cliched to say it, but our audiences are electric." Anyone who braved torrential thunder and lightening at the City of Manchester stadium last year during their gig will know what he's talking about. Finally, Howard thanks "the truck drivers who lug all our stuff around". He's a nice lad ain't he? Very good manners.
20:10: The entire Osbourne Family take the stage, promising "awesome collaborations" and Even-More Over-The-Topness. Is that possible? "Let's get on with it," says Sharon, as she welcomes "future son-in-law" Chris Moyles. Yes please.
20:05: And we're off. A rousing but all too brief Standing In the Way of Control (with Beth Ditto cameo) briefly brightens up Mika's overly familiar Freddy Mercury posturing. Can't we have more Beth please? Still the competition winners in the pen at the front seem to be enjoying themselves.
19:55: Five minutes to go, and a surprise Red Carpet appearance from the Arctic Monkeys who have never previously attended the Brits. The cheeky Sheffield rockers arrive in tweed plus fours, waistcoats, caps and carrying hunting horns as if out for a weekend of country pursuits. They look like they're going shooting. Watch out Mika.
19:45: Ashley Who? Girls Aloud star Cheryl Cole arrived flanked by her band-mates and showing off her tanned physique in a super-short, off-one-shoulder canary yellow dress. The singer has not been wearing her wedding ring since discovering her footballer husband Ashley's alleged infidelities and tonight it remained off while she had her hand clasped in that of her PR's.
19:30: Good evening music fans. Tonight we're at London's Earls Court for this year's Brit Awards. 8,000 industry guests are currently tucking into their free nosh and booze before Ozzy and Sharon Osborne get things rolling at 8pm. Mika is up first. And there were you thinking he was a passing 2007 fad? If only.
Despite a year in which sales of recorded music have continued to freefall, guests are all smiles. Kylie Minogue got the biggest cheer on the carpet; the 39-year-old singer arrived in a stunning, shiny, sexy black Vicky dress, a cute new blond bob, with a glittering diamond necklace and earring combo.
Shiny Happy People is the order of the evening, with Denise Van Outen clad in shiny gold and birthday gal Rhianna resplendent in shiny silver. KT Tunstall and opera singer Katherine Jenkins also sparkled in stylish sequins.
Most Outrageous Dress award goes to Beth Ditto, who crammed her beautifully voluptous frame into a firey orange ballerina-style tutu. Beth performs with Mika at the top of the show. Lets hope she stomps on him.
The 8,000 industry guests at the Earls Court show, hosted by Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne, will attempt to celebrate a year in which sales of recorded music plummeted.
|
Recent Comments